


Season Four Madney One Shots

by Meowser_Clancy



Series: Madney Moments [23]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Phone Sex, Pregnancy, Secrets, baby mango, episode tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:07:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28856346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meowser_Clancy/pseuds/Meowser_Clancy
Summary: Currently up: Tag to 4.8. "I love you" and what that really means.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Madney Moments [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748338
Comments: 27
Kudos: 39
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Tag to 4x1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I started this one shot in September and it just wasn't working, but here we are! Last night's episode made my plot make a LOT more sense.

"I'm really not looking forward to another long day tomorrow," Chimney said, leaning on his shoulder to keep the phone from sliding away. Both hands were busy; one was struggling to open his apartment door, and one held his duffel.

He heard Maddie's voice on the other end, and smiled to think of her. "I wish we could be together," she said. "But baby mango versus pandemic had another idea."

"It'll end," he said. "We just have to be careful right now."

He could hear the smile in her voice. He was inside by now; putting his duffel up, slipping his shoes off. "We really need to find a name for baby Mango," she said. "Instead of baby Mango."

"Well, we'd need to know what baby will be then," he said.

"Well, we decided to wait," she replied. "Besides, names shouldn't be gendered."

Chimney smiled at the phone. "That's true enough," he said. "And the decision against a gender reveal was very smart considering the fires going on."

Maddie groaned. "Don't remind me," she said. "I'm just so grateful to be far enough away, but my heart is breaking."

"I wish I was there with you," Chimney said.

"I know," she replied. "And I'm usually the last person to say that."

"I just hate the thought of you alone, what if something happens?" He asked, serious now. "I know Albert is there, but I get nervous."

"We already talked about this," she said, voice soft. "Remember? We've got others on standby for baby emergencies. And I talked to baby Mango about this, they know not to come before you are cleared to visit me. Yes, this isn't what we planned. But it is what it is."

"Yeah, because babies only come when it's convenient for their parents," Chimney said wryly. "I hope it all works out. I've got time off lined up with Bobby, two weeks to qurantine and then just some paid baby time with you."

"See? We've got a plan," she said. "And I love you so much for being so concerned but right now, that's not what you need to be worrying about."

"You shouldn't be worrying either," he said. "And text me the instant something happens."

"I'll have you on facetime," she said. "You know that."

"Speaking of facetime," he replied, and tapped a button. In moments, Maddie's face filled the screen, and he smiled. Seeing her, being with her in this way, just erased the stress.

"Hi," she whispered. "You've got the later shift tomorrow, right?"

"Yes, but I'm exhausted," he said. "I'll probably grab a nap."

She blew a kiss. "Or something else," she said, and winked.

He wasn't quite as tired as he had been. "What?" He asked, growing alert.

She shrugged, her cheeks growing pink. "I know we haven't done this much before," she said. "But Albert is out for the evening doing Covid appropriate and safe activities, and we are all alone." She set the phone down so that she could back up. He could see her upper body now, and relished the sight. Her pregnant belly was covered with delicate white lace, and her breasts were barely covered by this...nightgown. It could hardly be called that. He doubted she planned on sleeping in it. "I got it today," she said, turning to show off the gown. "I wanted to make you feel better."

She reached her hands up, testing the gowns limits, and ran her hands through her hair. She looked self conscious, but when she glanced at the phone, she grinned.

He knew he must look hungry.

"Babe, this is just cruel," he whispered. "But I am so glad you did this."

She licked her lips. "I figured it just gives you something to come back to," she teased.

"I wish I was there even more now," he said. "The things I would do."

She leaned forward, giving him a view down the gown, and he swallowed. "What would you do?" She asked, voice husky.

The phone sex thing, it was awkward, but it was also thrilling in a different way. It felt naughtier, like they'd get caught.

"I would...touch you," he began.

She arched an eyebrow, and he forged ahead. "I would touch your...breasts."

She raised her hands to her breasts, gently cupping them. "How would you touch them?" She crooned.

"I would hold them like that," he said. "Just like you are. And then I'd squeeze them a little tighter. Give them a bounce. Gently pinch your nipples, since I know they're tender."

She did the motions as he listed them, making his erection build that much faster. "You don't have to be that gentle," she whispered. Her face was bright red now, and Chimney knew she felt self conscious...but she was trying to distract him, and he knew that she wanted this just as much as he did...if not more.

"Okay, then I'm not that gentle," he said. He could feel the heat building. "I would start to play with those straps. Fiddle with them. Start to ease them down your shoulders."

She started to do as he'd listed, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Her nightgown was just about to clear her shoulders when….

Buck's voice came loud and clear through the apartment door, and Chim jumped. Maddie had heard it too, and there was a muttered "Oh god" before she disappeared from screen by turning her camera off.

Chimney felt the keen bite of disappointment, and held back from swearing as Buck entered. What was he going to say? "Get the fuck out, I was about to have zoom sex with your sister?"

He instead took a long breath, smiled, and went back to now suddenly age appropriate call with Maddie. She'd found a sweatshirt, and looked decidedly different from the moment before.

"I love you," he told her, and her face softened.

"We just want to be with you right now," she said. "As soon as possible."

He kissed his fingers and held them up to the camera, the best he could manage right now. Someday soon, they would be together again, safe and sound.

He couldn't wait.


	2. Tag to 4x2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4.2

Maddie hung up the zoom call, hearing her words echo.

 _Mango misses daddy._ That was, of course, the truth. But it was more than that. She knew Howie saw the look on her face, she saw his pause as well.

Buck's words about how Eddie and Hen had already returned home stung Maddie to her core. She knew. She knew that Howie only wanted what was best. She knew he wanted to stay safe.

They had come to this decision together, right when everything first shut down. It made sense. They needed to stay safe. But now, four months later, it made less sense.

Maddie didn't want to be sleeping alone. And she knew she shouldn't have to. She was still working so technically, she was already exposed. She just wanted Howie at home with her.

The ache in her heart translated to a tangible ache in her throat. Albert had thankfully left the room, leaving Maddie to let the bitter tears roll down her cheeks in silence. She took in a shaky breath.

She just needed him there. She needed him beside her. She had wanted to spend every damn second of this pregnancy journey with him. She had wanted to see his reaction to every new development.

He hadn't been able to touch her belly when their child had kicked for the first time. Or the second. Or the third.

He hadn't been able to press kisses to her pregnant stomach. He hadn't been able to soothe her aching nipples. He hadn't been able to hold her as her nights grew increasingly restless.

She felt his absence in the most heart rending ways. She felt it when she had morning sickness, and it was Albert who rushed to grab her a hair tie and tea. She felt it when she got home from work to an empty bedroom. She felt it every time they video chatted.

God. The video calls. They were something that Maddie knew she should have been grateful for but right now, she was anything but. They simply served as a reminder of what she was missing. Of what it should be. Of what it wasn't.

It wasn't Howie with her, beside her. He didn't get to hold her hand through this. And at first, it had made sense. She had sucked it up like everyone else. It was a global pandemic. She knew her pregnancy didn't make her above the rules right now, but she also knew that the rules were changing constantly.

Other emergency workers were still with their families. They took extra steps, they made sure to do everything in their power. She knew her risk working at the call center, and it was something she'd decided to gamble on. She stayed careful. They tested regularly.

It could be the same with Howie. It could. They could monitor his lack of symptoms, and keep close check on him. His not being in her life wasn't making her any safer during this time.

It was just making her alone. His good intentions always fell flat for Maddie in these moments.

She hated sleeping alone. She always had. Those first nights sleeping alone in her new apartment when she'd first come to LA had been sleepless and full of anxiety for Maddie. She'd wanted a noise machine, but until the Doug incident she didn't feel safe with that much noise covering up nighttime sounds.

Now, Maddie couldn't sleep without one. She turned on the waves when it was nighttime, and then she cried alone, wishing that Howie was there.

And most of all, she knew that she wanted Howie home.

* * *

It had been a very long day with May, and Maddie just wanted a hot bath.

Albert's clothes on the floor, those just set her off.

As she changed clothes, there was only one thing on her mind. She wondered if Howie was back yet, he hadn't texted in a while. He'd let her know that he was safe, that they were done and he was headed home.

That had been almost an hour ago, and she hadn't heard from him since, so she picked up her phone. **Zoom in fifteen?** She texted, heading out her door to make some dinner.

She'd probably microwave a quick meal, she was sure there was leftovers of something. Albert was always cooking, and then not cleaning up after himself.

She was tired, she reflected, and heard a footstep, looking up.

"You're not Albert," she whispered. Howie was standing there, eyes twinkling, hands in his pockets. She felt her stomach absolutely drop.

"No," he said.

* * *

They sat on the couch, Maddie leaning against his chest. "I'm happy you're here," she whispered, tracing circles on his fingers. "I needed you."

"I know," he said. Dinner had been cleared away long ago, and now they were just relaxing before going to bed. "I talked with this pregnant girl today, she said she'd been so alone going to appointments and Maddie, I just felt like absolute shit for leaving you alone like that."

"No, don't," Maddie said, shaking her head. "We thought we were doing what was best this spring."

"This spring, sure," he replied. "This summer? Not so much. I should have come back when Eddie and Hen did. And I'm sorry I didn't. You shouldn't have had to go to so many appointments alone."

She was quiet, remembering being alone in the room, waiting for her doctor to come in. Albert drove her to and fro appointments, but he'd stayed in the waiting room. They weren't _that_ close.

"Yeah," she said simply, a lump in her throat, and Howie leaned forward, kissing her shoulder.

"Hey, no more tears," he whispered. "I'm here now. And I'm going to go to every single appointment from now on."

"You better," she managed, turning to face him. Before she'd even finished shifting, he was kissing her, their lips meeting eagerly.

Before tonight, she hadn't kissed him in four months. It had been way too long to wait.

Maddie finished turning, her belly making the motion ungraceful, but finally she was on his lap (as much as she could be with Mango Han in between them.)

Howie chuckled as she tried to adjust, and the kiss broke, Maddie laughing in frustration. "We're obviously going to need to learn some new moves," she said, panting. "I don't know what's going to work here."

Howie rubbed his hands over her belly. "I'm up for learning new tricks," he said. "Oh, and by the way, please tell your brother that Mango is going to be a Han, not a Buckley."

Maddie tossed her head. "Mm, have we talked about that yet?" She teased, a grin on her face.

"Well, with any luck Mommy will eventually be a Han too," he whispered, and she stilled.

"Yeah," she said, placing her hands on his face, and leaning down to kiss him. "With a lot of luck," she teased, pulling away for a brief moment, before Howie pulled her back down for another kiss.

She was finally done being alone.


	3. Tag to 4x3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4.3. This takes place after Maddie and Chimney watch the ultrasound video, but before she tells him the secret

Maddie sat on the couch, feeling Howie's hand tight in hers. "I love you," he whispered, voice choked. "And we're having a girl."

"Mango is...a girl," Maddie said slowly, turning to face him.

Howie leaned in to kiss the tear on her cheek. "Feeling better about this?" He asked, his voice near her ear. Maddie exhaled, trying to settle her mind.

"Yeah," she whispered. "We're going to try our best, right?"

He pulled back, and she could see the worry in his eyes. "Hey, Maddie, we talked about this, remember?"

"I know," she said, trying to smile at him. "And I know that you're going to be an amazing father. I just don't know how I'll be as a mother."

She remembered the conversation with her own mother, biting back the words she wanted to say. She really wanted to tell Howie. She wanted to just unburden herself. How could she possibly tell him...before she told Buck?

She shook her head, the tears restarting. This should never have to come to rest on her shoulders in the first place. It wasn't fair, what her parents had asked of her. Siblings weren't supposed to have to keep shit like this bundled up.

Maddie would never ask her baby to do what her own parents had asked of her.

"Where are you?" Howie asked softly, and she came back to the present. "What's on your mind? It can't just be the baby things."

He was too close, and it hurt Maddie's heart, but she knew she had to head him off. She couldn't tell him. "I'm just in my head about this pregnancy," she said, voice choked. "I know we just talked about this, but the feelings don't go away. I want to do better, you know? I want to be better, but I feel like everyone says that, everyone says they'll do better than their parents. And then we all fail."

"No, no, Maddie," Howie said. "I don't know a lot, and I know that parenthood is going to be tough, but I also know this. You, Maddie Buckley, are a fighter. What that means is that you are going to fight, every single day, against every single impulse to be less than. It means that you are going to rise above, and it means that you are going to try, every single day, to be the best possible mom you can be. Not because your parents failed you. Not because you want to do better. But because that's who you are, Maddie. You care about people. You are going to love our daughter so hard, and so much, and that's going to shape every single day, every moment, every decision."

Maddie breathed out. This had only been half of what was on her mind; the Buck thing was weighing down so much more heavily, but Howie's words...were a balm nonetheless.

She leaned in, and Howie caught her lips with his. She knew he could feel the tears on her cheeks, could probably taste them in her kiss, but he didn't say a word; just cupped her face in his hands and pulled her closer.

She'd needed this. The ache in her heart slowly started to fade; she knew it would come back, but right now, Howie was taking the pain away.

Like he always did.

She pulled back, seeing the surprise in Howie's eyes. "Hey," she said. "Help me up, and we can take this to the bedroom."

A smile creased his face, and he grabbed her arms, easing her to standing. She turned to walk to the bedroom, but Howie grabbed her from behind, sliding his arms around her belly; his arms still reached, which soothed her heart.

He kissed her neck, something that had always driven her crazy. "You know I love you," he murmured, his hands beginning to sweep upwards; to her hyper sensitive breasts. Maddie's breath caught in her throat as he touched her there; even through her shirt his touch was like fire. Maddie turned her face, and his lips touched hers, capturing her. She wasn't sure how long they stood there, just kissing, but her lips tingled by the time they'd parted.

Howie smiled at her, a content look in his eyes. They moved towards the bedroom, Howie's hands on her body the whole way there, making it hard to walk. Maddie sat on the bed, hoping that their position the night he'd come home would work again. Hopefully baby Mango wasn't too active tonight, or that would curtail their lovemaking.

She'd been extremely active last night; Maddie had barely slept. She'd given up around one a.m., going to walk around the apartment. She'd placed headphones on her pregnant stomach, turning Enya on, but it hadn't calmed Mango down. She'd down everything, even going on her hands and knees in a Cat/Camel position to try and ease the tension in her lower back.

Finally, a cup of chamomile had gotten her down.

"Okay, you just went somewhere else again," Howie laughed, sitting on the bed next to her. "We were very much in the zone, and then you just noped out."

She smiled with him. "I was just thinking about how Mango might derail our plans for the night," she said. "Remember how restless she was last night?"

Howie placed his hand on her belly, feeling all over. "No kicking right now, so it's a green light to me," he joked, but he paused. Maddie met his gaze, and she smiled again, softer now. "Are you out of the mood, because that's okay," he said.

"I'm still in the mood," she said, swinging one leg up with some effort, so that she could place them on his lap. "I'm always in the mood with you."

"Lies," he whispered, but moved closer, his hands again cupping her face. "Thank you," he said, unexpectedly, and Maddie blinked.

"For what?" She whispered, her hands crawling up his chest, wanting to pull him in for another kiss.

"For being my partner," he said. "For choosing me, I keep thinking of that May, and you didn't have to come back to me. But you did."

"Of course I did," she said, moving closer. "We're meant to be, Howie. This is true love, do you think this happens every day?"

"It is true love if I've finally got you quoting Princess Bride," he quipped.

She grinned, her worries behind her...for now. "Just kiss me," she said, leaning in.

"As you wish," he replied, and granted her request.

She knew the stress would return in the morning, and she knew that this peace wouldn't last that long...but she was so glad Howie was home.

She couldn't do this without him.

"Thank you too," she said, throat working. "For coming back to me."

He picked up her hand to kiss it, and then swept her away. Maddie didn't have room in her brain for thoughts for a very long time.


	4. Tag to 4x4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4.4. Takes place after Buck yells at the parents and Maddie goes to her room.

She couldn't even breathe, just waiting for her parents to leave, sitting on the edge of her bed trembling. Finally Howie came in, slowly. "They're gone," he said, and she nodded.

"Figures," she said. "They stir all this up and then just go."

Howie stepped forward, and she let him take her hands. "Do you want to talk?" He asked, rubbing circles on her palms.

"Do you get it now?" She asked dully. "Why we are...what we are? Why I'm fucking terrified of who I could become as a mom?"

"I understand a lot," Howie whispered. "I understand that you've been carrying around a gigantic weight for thirty years. Your parents had no right to ask you to carry it. But you will never be like your mom."

"Doug was the first person I met that looked at me like I was worthy," she said, almost not even hearing Howie's words. "And that's why I left. I didn't see it. I couldn't see it. My parents hated him, but they didn't try to help me. They left me alone."

"I'm sorry," Howie said, looking up at her. "Parents do awful things, and the scars they leave...it's not fair."

She tried to stop crying, but she realized that the tears were just coming faster now. "I couldn't even say anything," she whimpered, barely able to get the words out. "I let my baby brother yell at them and I couldn't even speak up. I hate myself for that. I'm supposed to be the big sister."

"No, Maddie," Howie said, and this time, she heard him, looking up through a haze of tears. "Don't hate yourself. The way you shut down? That's a trauma response. That's what almost eighteen years of Doug did to you. You stop processing to protect yourself, not because you're scared."

Howie placed his hands on her stomach, forcing her to focus. "Maddie. You aren't your parents. You aren't anywhere near to them. You care so much. You are going to love our daughter with your whole heart."

"You know, I almost expected them to tell him," she said, going back to tuning out his words. The assurances...they meant nothing right now. "That's almost why I told you, since I really thought that they would finally...man up. Like we talked about this last week when I talked to my mom. And I really...somehow I really thought they would finally step up and be the parents I need them to be. But they never are."

Howie was quiet now, and she could tell he was waiting...so patient. So kind.

"I'm sorry," she said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry for asking you to keep this secret with me. It wasn't fair to you."

"Hey now," he said, taking her hands again, squeezing. "I'm not going to say it didn't throw me for a loop, but Maddie...I'm here for you. I want to take this on with you. I love you. I will carry whatever you need me to."

She broke down fully then, falling back into his arms, as they had a week ago. Her sobs echoed through the small bedroom, and Maddie just hoped that she'd cry enough to fall asleep.

* * *

It was hours later before they were lying next to each other in bed. Maddie's tears had finally eased, leaving her eyes puffy and sore. She lay facing away from Howie, letting him spoon her. She couldn't tell if he'd fallen asleep; she doubted it, but she hoped he had.

She needed the silence, and she knew he had work in the morning. He couldn't afford to stay up all night with her.

She wanted to roll on her back, but Mango made that impossible, so she stayed on her side, her hands resting on her bump.

She wanted to be the best possible mother for Mango. She wanted to be the mom who made cupcakes just because. She wanted to be the mom who took all of her kids' emotions seriously. She wanted to be the mom whose kids said please and thank you. She wanted to be the mom whose kids just came running up to kiss her hello.

She paused, heart skipping a beat. Had she really just pluralized that? Kids.

Was she really contemplating having more than one?

She felt a lump rise in her throat. A girl and a boy.

No. It would be too close to her and Daniel. Or her and Buck. And yet.

It would be a way to undo the past. To make a life without that toxicity, and grief. She could give her kids the childhood she hadn't had.

Maddie rolled over, which was a long process, seeing Howie in front of her. His eyes opened; he'd been asleep, but he was awake now, instantly. "You okay, Maddie?" He said, hand coming to cup her face.

"For now," she whispered, leaning to brush her lips against his. He pressed his forehead against hers.

"Want to talk some more?" He asked gently, and she shook her head.

"I just need to be with you," she whispered, and he nodded, his hands coming to rest on her belly.

"Is Mango keeping you up?" He asked, after another long moment, and she almost smiled, for the first time in hours.

"For once, it's the other way around," she said, and his face softened.

"I love you," he said, something he'd been repeating these past few days.

She let the words soothe her soul, and she wondered if now was the time...it probably wasn't...but she wanted to say it.

"I want to have another baby," she said, and his eyes flew open.

"Isn't it a little soon for that?" He asked, but his voice was careful; his eyes studying her face.

"I want siblings," she said. "I want to give my kids the childhood I didn't have. You're right, Howie. I can give them so much. We. We can give them so much. All the love we have in our hearts." She looked right at him, her lips trembling. "We might not be perfect but you're right, Howie. We have love."

His eyes were full now, and he leaned in to embrace her as best he could with Mango in between them. "I love you," he whispered, mouth close to her ear. "And I am ready for whatever road you want to go down."


	5. Tag to 4x5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4.5

Chimney listened to all of Maddie's stories those few days when Buck wasn't talking to her. She told him about the Jeep, and what had happened the first time she tried to leave Doug. His heart broke seeing how that encounter had scared her off for so many years just from trying to leave him again. His heart broke anew every time Maddie's cell phone rang and it wasn't Buck.

She loved him. So much. Chimney saw their whole relationship in this new light, realizing just how much Maddie had been a mother to Buck in many ways.

So that's why he was going to keep pushing Buck to talk to her, no matter what Buck said. Maddie had said so many times that the only reason she hadn't told him was because she never wanted Buck to feel like he wasn't wanted, like he was only born to be Daniel's savior.

Even in her silence, she had been focusing on Buck. She'd also told Chimney about how she'd almost told Buck about Daniel when Doug got into medical school. She'd wanted to start a clean slate if she was leaving, but...well…

Things hadn't gone to plan. As they never did when Doug was involved.

He had listened to Maddie's stories on late nights, as she sobbed again about how Buck would never forgive her. He'd rubbed her shoulders, and made her tea. He'd watched as hope drained from her face that Buck would ever speak to her. She was so scared.

It was breaking Chimney. And he knew it was breaking Maddie. He couldn't watch her go through another day like this, couldn't come home another time to see the look of disappointment on her face when he said that Buck still didn't want to talk.

So of course he went to Buck, _one more time_ , to see if Buck would talk to her before this really became a thing.

And Buck...came home.

Maddie padded to the bedroom, after Buck had gone. "Thank you," she said, looking inside at him. Chimney smiled at her, standing up.

"I didn't hear him leave, I just wanted to give you guys some privacy," he said gently. "How are things?"

"Better," she said, nodding. "Good, but better than they were even before." Her throat worked. "I got to talk about Daniel," she said. "And I got to talk to my brother about everything that's been happening. It's like things finally make sense in his brain."

She bit her lips, shaking her head. "I still wish I'd told him earlier," she said. "I don't know why I didn't, but you can't change the past."

"No," he said, walking forward to fold her into a hug. She came easily, stepping into his arms, and burying her face in his shoulder. "You can't."

"I just really need to thank you, too," she whispered, pulling back.

"You don't need to," he began, but she shook her head.

"I do," she said. "You have been everything for me. You listened, you mediated. You got Buck to come home. But more than that, you shared this burden with me. You helped me lift something that was too heavy for me to carry, and Chim, I can't thank you enough for that." Her eyes were filled, and she was finding it hard to speak. "This has been the first time in my life that I was able to tell someone, to lean on someone. The first time that I had a partner who was just there for me, no anger, or judgment. Just love."

"Maddie," he whispered. "Of course. I love you."

She nodded fiercely, and he could see the words on her lips, but they didn't come out, and he didn't even feel disappointment. He knew she loved him. She didn't have to say it. "Come here," he whispered again, and pulled her back in.

Her arms were tight around his back, and her stomach between them was a reminder of the best thing that they'd done so far.

They would be okay. This was going to be okay.

She pulled back again, grabbing his hand to lead him to sit on the bed. "I want everything," she said. "I'm daring to hope again, to make plans."

He smiled up at her, eyes sparkling. "More plans than the nursery?"

"I want a whole damn house," she said, and Chimney grinned. A house with Maddie? Yes please. "And I want the kids to go with it. I want to give you a whole herd, and I want to see Buck being the best uncle ever. I just want to give my kids the life I didn't have. I want to love them."

"I know you do," he said, taking her hands in his. "And so do I."

She smiled at him, shaking her head a little as if she was thinking too much. "We are going to give them the world," she said. "Because we're going to love them."

"Maybe let's get through having Mango first," he teased. "You still won't talk baby names."

She smiled. "I've had a lot of thoughts, and we have a shortlist."

"Yeah, a short list with twenty names on it," he teased, and watched her, moving through the room. She had a certain peace about her, a calm, that he hadn't seen in too long. He stood up, walking over to her again. "I missed seeing you smile," he said, his hands coming to cup her arms. "I miss seeing you laugh."

"I missed being happy," she said, and moved into him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and they kissed, leaning their foreheads against each other.

He could feel the words then, the ones left unsaid. He could feel her 'I love you' hanging between them.

And he knew she meant it.

He gently kissed her hands, one by one, and tugged her back over to the bed. He was going to make her feel like the queen of the world, because she was...the queen of his world, at any rate.

And he was so, so grateful to see her smiling again.


	6. Tag to 4x6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really know what to do for this ep, but finally I decided to zoom in on Maddie finally getting some much needed relaxation time. All while Chim is having the worst day lolol.

Maddie had a quiet day at home.

She wondered if, by Chimney's silence, she should check up on him; but she rationalized it. He was probably just having a busy day.

She ran the tub for a hot bath, pouring in scented bath salts, and bubble bath. She put her hair up on her neck, in a messy bun, and she very carefully eased into the tub. Mango was beginning to make even the simplest tasks complicated, and Maddie had a feeling this would be her last bath for a while. She leaned back in the tub, chuckling at how her belly protruded over the water, and closed her eyes.

She could smell rose, lemon, and verbena. She'd turned on gentle ocean sounds before sliding in, and she listened to the water, letting herself be at peace.

She was at one with the silence. The stress of the previous weeks, that was still there, but she felt herself physically shedding the stress, and trauma of the secret she'd held for so long.

It would come back, come back to cling like an ill fitting coat, but in these quiet moments...she was okay. She could breathe. There was nothing to worry about. There was her, and there was Mango.

She placed her hands on her belly, feeling her daughter move inside her, tears brimming in her eyes. She had a daughter. She was going to be a mom.

There was a huge part of her that still couldn't believe it, but her aching feet, back, and tender breasts reminded her very forcefully that she was definitely pregnant. Pregnant and, finally, at peace. Chimney was home, Buck knew the truth about Daniel, Buck wasn't angry with her anymore...it was all good.

She wished Chimney was physically home at the moment; she could have used his skillful hands to rub away at the knot in her upper back. She needed something to soothe out the angry muscles, and she knew only Chim could make it better.

She closed her eyes again. She was beginning to dislike the 24 hour shifts. At first, it had been fine. She saw him when she saw him, and they made it work, but the farther along she got into this pregnancy, the more they made her nervous. She wanted him closer to home; she wanted him to be able to leave work at any time if and when he got the call.

She didn't want to be interrupting him as he performed CPR or, god forbid, some crazy rescue.

She wanted him nearer.

She breathed out, feeling that the water had grown colder. Glancing towards her tablet, she was shocked to see that she'd been for over forty five minutes. It hadn't felt long at all; she felt like she'd just stepped in.

She considered running more hot water in, but shook her head, pulling out the bath plug with her toes, and let the water drain instead.

And then she came to an impasse. The tub sides were slick, and she was suddenly very nervous about getting out of this tub. She really wasn't sure why she'd even thought it was a good idea, but she'd just wanted a good soak.

Damn it.

Here was where the 24 hour shifts came in. Chimney had already been on shift for ten hours, and for most people, that would mean they'd already be home. And Maddie didn't, and couldn't, resent Chimney's job, but…

There were some moments, like when Chimney was too scared to come home, and now this one, that it really wore on her.

Through some miracle, she managed to get on her hands and knees, and from there with very painstaking movements, finally made it out of the tub without falling. She sank onto the floor, tempted to just spread out on her towel and completely give up, and for a moment, she did.

Her body was still slick with water, and the towel quickly became soaked. Maddie forced herself to standing, and walked to the bed in the other room, grabbing her robe and tying it around her.

She needed a nap now. And then a snack. Maybe a snack first…

No. She was too tired.

* * *

By the time Chimney got home, her bath was a distant memory. It was just past nine in the morning; he should have been home an hour ago but he'd texted he was grabbing breakfast because Bobby was buying.

He walked through the door with a yawn, and Maddie, sitting on the couch, wanted nothing more than to get up and greet him with a hug like she would have before. Mango changed things, and instead she just raised her arms, signalling to him.

"Uh uh, shower first," he said, blowing her a kiss. "I'll hurry, okay?"

She nodded, and he walked to the bedroom. Maddie could hear the shower running, and she longed to join him as she would have pre-covid. There were a lot of things that had changed, not just Mango.

Still.

Chimney finally returned, in sweats, and gave her the hug she'd been longing for. "I need to crash soon, but do you need anything first?" He asked, his hand instinctively going to the small of her back, and pressing against her. He knew her too well; he didn't have to ask if her back had been hurting.

"Just a few minutes with you," she said. "I've got work myself soon enough, and I just need a minute to recharge with you."

"Of course," he said, snuggling even closer to her, his arms moving to wrap around her. She leaned against his chest, and once again, her worries slowly melted away for this moment.

When they were together, when Chimney was here, everything was alright. She leaned up to give him a kiss, feeling a quiet gratefulness that his lips met hers without a second thought.

She'd been given a second chance at love. She'd never forget that.

Chimney's hands traced lazy circles over her belly, and Maddie forgot all about her struggle to get out of the tub (though she'd definitely ask him later if there was a way to make that easier) and instead just focused on the beat of his heart behind her head, and the way he made her feel.


	7. Tag to 4x7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4.7

"Is this really going to suck that much?" Maddie asked, coming to bed that night.

Chimney glanced up at her with surprise. "Is what?" He asked.

"We just prepped gift baskets filled with melatonin and tequila for all of our neighbors," Maddie said, easing onto the bed next to him. Chimney automatically reached for her elbow, helping her get more settled in. "If we're going all out for them, what are we getting for us?"

"Should I go get more tequila?" Chimney cracked, but then saw Maddie's face. She shot him the same exasperated glare she'd given Buck earlier, and he knew it was time to be serious. "Okay, okay. I mean, you're a nurse. I'm a paramedic. We know full well what babies entail."

"Correction," she said. "We know what childbirth entails, and just fyi, I'm not feeling 100% on that either."

"An epidural is always an option," Chimney reminded.

"Don't doubt I won't," she said, trying (and failing) to curl her legs up. Mango got in the way, and Maddie sighed, placing her hands on her belly. "What did we get ourselves into, Chim? Like really?"

Chimney switched off his e-reader, sliding it onto his bedside table. "Probably about six months of no sleep?" He said. "At the very least. Some parents say they never really sleep again, not in the same way."

"So we're giving up lazy Saturday mornings in bed," she said. "Spent just dozing, and you know…" She flushed, nudging his knee with hers. "A little more than dozing."

"Not at all," he said, grinning at her. "We're just changing them. Mango is more than welcome at lazy Saturdays."

"Yeah," she said, smiling wistfully at him. "No more sex though."

"Oh, there will be sex," he said. "Just carefully scheduled, quieter sex."

She sighed, looking back at her belly. "Are we really ready for this?" She said softly. "Like I know I've been very stressed about being a mom these past few months, but those were for entirely different reasons. Now I'm just looking at wow, my life will never be the same. Am I ready?"

Chimney's hand went to her back, rubbing careful circles. "Maddie, I don't think anyone can be ready to be a parent," he said. "One day you just are. And that's it."

"I know," she said. "It's just all hitting me, it did when we were giving out baskets. Where's my tequila?"

"Should I note that you want Tequila Mandala for your push gift?" He joked, and she finally smiled again.

"That is a great idea," she said. "I can pump and dump one night. Oh god." She pressed a hand to her face. "Breastfeeding, Chim. I'm going to be breastfeeding. Can you imagine?"

"I'm trying not to," he said, his voice heavily laden with innuendo. "Because if I do, this conversation will get very off track."

"Oh my god," she said, laughing as he leaned over to capture her mouth with a hungry kiss. Nevertheless her hands came up to his shoulders, and she pulled him nearer, until they were both gasping, all humor forgotten. "You do realize," she panted, as he pulled away. "A little baby chomping on me all day is going to dampen the mood for that in the bedroom."

"We can figure out other ways," he assured her, his hands creeping to her breasts. She swatted them away, before giving in to another long kiss. His hands came up to her neck, lifting her hair so he could press a kiss to the patch of skin just below her ear. Maddie keened deep in the back of her throat, and Chimney rewarded her with another kiss.

"Babe," she whispered. "You know that I would love nothing more, but Mango has made it clear that tonight is not the night."

He pulled back, his eyes heavy with desire. "I mean. We could try some things that don't involve sex, per se."

His hand came to her thigh, gently caressing it through her pajamas. "It's all up to you," he said. "No pressure at all. If you're not in the mood, then nope. But if you just need a little adjustment to the normal routine…" His hand stilled, and he met her gaze again. "I am more than happy to oblige."

"I'd like that," Maddie admitted, her hand covering his on her thigh, gently edging it closer to between her thighs. "It would definitely relieve some stress."

"Oh, that is what I do best," Chimney said, grabbing his pillow to slide behind her. She leaned back, watching as he gently tugged her pajama pants off, and hooked a finger in her panties.

She moaned as he slid her panties off, and gently nudged her legs open. Chimney paused before moving between her legs, going to kiss her first. His lips quickly moved from her lips to her neck, and Maddie was soon a mess, her brain completely fizzling out from what he was doing to her.

His fingers were on her now bare thighs, and they were steadily moving higher up. When he finally slid them inside her, she was more than ready for him. "Hi, baby," he whispered, his mouth still at her ear. "So you're ready for me, huh?"

"Mmhmm," she gasped, jerking as his fingers found their way to the pulsing nub between her thighs. "Chim," she panted, as his thumb swiped over it again. This man. She was pregnant with his child, and he still had the audacity to tease her like this. "Okay, I don't have patience tonight," she whimpered, and Chimney chuckled, low by her ear.

"What are you saying?" He whispered, giving her one last kiss behind her ear. "Do you want me to do….something else?"

"I want you," she gasped, and he was moving between her thighs. At the first touch of his lips down there, Maddie swore, her hands clutching at his shoulders. His tongue lapped at her, and Maddie felt like she couldn't breathe. When she finally came, after a few more minutes of blissful torture, she felt like she'd let out a breath she'd been holding for weeks.

_I love you._

The words were right there. There was a lump in her throat, and Maddie tried to say them, but they just didn't come. Chimney was pulling her back into his arms, his lips gently touching her cheek. She wrapped her arms around him, trying to find the words, but his lips had come back to touch her ear.

"I know," he whispered. "I love you too. You don't have to say it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't believe we're officially halfway through the season :(


	8. Tag to 4x8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tag to 4x8

Thirteen minutes. Thirteen minutes.

He'd timed it. Maddie listened to Chimney's words, feeling his terror. _Do you know what can go wrong in thirteen minutes? I do._

She felt her heart shatter, realizing that her need for control, her desperate strive to have some measure of calm about this, was what had driven the man she cared for most to this outburst.

He was freaking out, perhaps had been ever since she'd told him about what she wanted. She had been so in her own head about this, so desperate and scared, that she hadn't thought about what he was going through. Chimney, the man she cared for most, was terrified something would happen to her.

Cared. Had she really just used that word, even in her mind?

"I love you," she said, almost without thinking about it. She saw his face change, and she repeated the words. "I love you."

* * *

He didn't process the words the first time she said them, and the second time he smiled so hard that he felt the ache in his cheeks. He forgot what they had been talking about, it was totally washed away by the weight of her words.

He knew she'd say it, of course he did. He knew that in her own timing she'd say it, and he hadn't been worried. But the utter, beautiful relief to hear the words from a partner, for the first time in his life. To hear them uttered by Maddie.

That was unmatched.

"I love you," he said, pulling her into another hug. "I love you, Maddie."

"I love you too," she said, a matching smile on her own face. He pressed his lips to hers, kissed her smiling face, buried his lips in her neck, and held her so tight she squeaked.

"Chim," she said, and he pulled away.

"I love you so much," he said. "I do. This, Maddie. This and her." He placed his hands on her stomach. "This is the best gift you could give me. A daughter, our daughter. And your love, your heart. That's why I couldn't risk it. Not when you love me, not when you trust me."

"I know," she said, her hands coming to cup his face. "And I mean it, Chim. I mean it. I love you. You brought something to my life that I thought I would never feel again. You made me smile, you made me laugh. You gave me pleasure, and a feeling of safety and security that I have never in my whole life experienced before now."

His eyes were full, and he shook his head. "Maddie, you don't get it," he said. "Do you know how many women have said that to me before you?"

She shook her head.

"My mom," he said. "Maybe Hen has said it a few times offhandedly, but Maddie, you are the first woman to say it, let alone feel it. You love me."

"I do," she said, trying not to cry, but at this point, tears were running down both of their faces. Still, they smiled.

"I wish it didn't take me this long to say," she began, but he scoffed.

"Maddie, there is no moment that I needed to hear that more than now," he said. "That was literally the best possible time to have told me. You turned it off, you turned off the worry. We can do this."

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "We can. In a hospital."

He laughed, his hand coming back up to cup her face tenderly; wipe away the tear still on her cheek. "You are the best woman I've ever known," he said softly. "You and my mom. You are the kindest, strongest."

"Okay, don't lay it on too thick," she said, flushing. "Me and flattery don't mix."

"Well, they should," he said. "Because I need to know you believe it. After years of being told anything but, I need to tell you this, Maddie."

The tears had restarted. Maddie pressed her lips together, feeling so much joy and love in her heart. It had only been two years since Doug had kidnapped her. Two years.

But everything had changed. Every single piece of her life. She was in love. She was pregnant. She had a partner who had changed her whole life, she was rewriting her whole story. She wasn't a victim anymore.

She was a survivor. And she was thriving. Even in the low moments, and there had been too many, she was better than she'd ever been. Even when she was scared, even when she was lost in her head, she had Chimney. She had love, and family, and support. She had friends. She had a life, her own life, a new life.

She'd made her own path, something Doug had always assured her was impossible. " _You're just a failure. You couldn't make it on your own. Why do you think we work? Because I'm the brains, and you're the looks."_

Nothing he had said was true, not at the time, but definitely not anymore.

" _No one could ever love you, Maddie. Your parents don't even love you. But I do. Don't you see what a gift that is? Don't you understand? Why don't you fucking understand? I am the only one."_

He was wrong, and she'd proved him wrong. She was lovable. She was cherished. He had never loved her, and he had never cherished her. For a long time, she had almost believed him when he'd said that this was it. That their fates were intertwined forever.

And now, she stood over a table of tools, and baby clothes, looking at the man she loved most in the world, who loved her back.

She'd had the audacity to leave, to hope for better, and she'd had the audacity to make happiness for herself when the world wouldn't give her any.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his hand cupping her shoulder. "Your eyes are far away."

"I was thinking about how different my life is," she said, smiling at him. "Three years ago, if you'd told me that I would be free, that I would be desperately in love with a man who's desperately in love with me, that we're having a child together? I probably would have slapped you because that would have hurt me so much. I would have been so angry that someone would dare taunt me with such an impossible dream. But it wasn't impossible, Chim."

"Of course it's not impossible," he said.

"I thought I was hard to love," she said, tears coming back to her eyes. "Until you made it look easy."

"That's because it is," he said, his own voice choked up now. "Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done."

She took his hand, clutching it in hers, unable to say anything else. Her heart was too full. Looking at his face, feeling how he clutched her hand in return, she knew he felt the same way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it she said it 
> 
> NO IM NOT OKAY


End file.
